Illuminating Questions……..How do you feel about feeling that ?


Virginia Satir, (the family therapist who was one of the first people modeled by the NLP founders Bandler and Grinder), asked her clients two questions at the start of a session with regards to the issue they were presenting :

How do you feel ? And ……..How do you feel about feeling that ?

I was reading Robert Dilt’s ‘The Hero’s Journey’ on holiday when I came across these questions ….and was fascinated to notice it was the answer to the second question that was the real issue to be addressed. For example, in answer to the first question someone could be sad about losing a loved one…….and in answer to the second question they might say happy to know that that person was so important and so loved. That gives quite a different perspective doesn’t it ?

So many times I have questioned myself for feeling what I considered to be the negative emotion of apprehension before doing something new. Now applying the second question I feel comfortable that this makes me prepare well. So it not only helps me to see the positive intention of that emotion…….. but elegantly highlights what needs to be addressed and what needs to be left alone !

Try out these questions for yourself ….and maybe you too will see a use for them in your life and work ! How do you feel about that suggestion ? …..And how do you feel about feeling that ?